Dear Ted: Esto también pasará (This too shall pass)
The Taos News has committed to implement a weekly column to help educate the community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing.
Dear Ted,
I have noticed that the world seems to be moving super fast and I feel like it is hard to keep up. I seem to be having more and more anxiety as I become overwhelmed with what needs to be done and what I have let slip by the wayside. I felt many losses this year ranging from personal to the enormity of the world’s poor condition in many categories. I was surprised at the level of grief I have been feeling and how frozen I can feel in making decisions to rebuild my life. I’m wondering: What are ways I can ground myself when I feel overwhelmed and in a free fall with nothing to catch me?
Thank you, Grasping
Dear Grasping,
You are not alone in feeling levels of anxiety, as the world seems to be spinning rapidly without a feeling of security in sight. Just listen to or read the news and it sounds like there is a level of desperation that feels unsettling. I wish I could say that I have the magic cure on how to stay calm in the midst of chaos, but I might have a few tools that you or someone else may find helpful.
Loss is anytime the way you define yourself or your perception of safety is shaken or destroyed. This foundation of safety is what helps you navigate decisions and the actions you pursue. Without this foundation, your brain moves into survival mode, which is only concerned for the present moment, as it doesn’t feel there will be another moment or the present feeling is forever, which can stimulate anxiety or futility. Learning to build internal resources can be lifesaving in order to calm down your internal system in order to move to more proactive, creative and solution-oriented thinking.
I was in a friend’s office the other day and he told me how he didn’t listen to his grandfather very often (even though he wishes he had), but he noticed many people would come to his grandfather and share their trials and tribulations. At the end of talking, his grandfather would tell them, “Esto también pasará” (This too shall pass). The people who visited always seemed to leave comforted and grateful. There is great wisdom in this story as the person in turmoil was able to be seen, heard and valued — and then given the chance to maybe realize the present situation is not forever and there is possibility of change.
This does not mean the presenting situation is not reality or should be disenfranchised. As a matter of fact, it is necessary to look at the present facts and honor the present situation while working toward how to heal and change in a healthy way.
Taking a breath and finding healthy internal structure while getting external support may allow the situation to give enough space to not be quite as overwhelming and allow for the possibilities of change, solutions and care, leading to new hope and possibilities.
In parenting your emotional world, you can help your brain and psyche realize that the chaos can change and move to actions that lead to new growth and healing. Stepping a bit away from your present story can allow enough room for conscious and healthy decisions to arise. Thank you for the question. I wish you well. Until next week, take care.
Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct questions to Wiard, the founder of Golden Willow, at (575) 776-2024 or gwr@newmex.com.
