It’s time to stop yelling, to come together and to listen

I am waiting for the hateful to unclench the tight fists of their hearts. Waiting for us to stop yelling at each other. And to start listening.

These days both sides take less pleasure in winning elections than in watching the other side lose. Instead of collaborating, Americans are at each other’s throats—the way the elite have always preferred it. When slaves started working together to empower themselves, slave-owners figured out how to keep them in competition. Lighter skinned blacks against darker skinned blacks. Male versus female. Dividing families was part of the strategy until they were split into hostile hierarchies rather than rising up in resistance together.

Another strategy was to convince poor whites that they were valued and should support the wealthy slave owners’ interests. Over half the beneficiaries of the Affordable Health Care Act are Trump supporters who just voted to eliminate the health care they need and deserve. And I want to ask them why. I want to listen.

The Democratic Party, which used to be the working-class party, has alienated blue collar America while attracting over-educated academics. Many of them entitled, arrogant and annoying. Republicans continue to equate social programs with Communism by preying on the masculine sensibilities of Middle Americans. I’ve spent half my life farming and ranching and I know that if you’re a Democrat, you’re weak. Real men don’t need things like health care or unions. Better to support the elite — who keep empowering corrupt CEOs with tax breaks — than to admit you can’t take whatever they throw your way.

We are more interested in being right than finding the best way forward. More concerned with what we believe than why we believe it. Instead of living in ways that justify our beliefs, we find beliefs that justify the ways in which we live. It’s more convenient that way.

But we can no longer afford convenience.

It’s time to admit our mistakes. Time for a new kind of masculinity. One in which a real man values tolerance and understanding over anger and violence. Real men don’t ridicule the disabled, disadvantaged, or the weak. A masculinity in which a real man honors war heroes and respects women.

Most Americans have similar values and needs. The only way forward is by working together and focusing on the things we agree on. Trump is only interested in his personal gain as evidenced by his cabinet of millionaires who mostly have the same conflicts of interest he has. The proposed travel ban is only for Muslim countries where Trump has no business partners. And, ironically, the Muslim countries he doesn’t want to ban are those whose citizens have actually killed Americans in the last 40 years. Like Saudi Arabia. Or Egypt.

Forget the first 100 days in office. How do we feel about the first three weeks? We’re alienating long-time allies around the world. Banning refugees, which seems uniquely un-American, and pushing to make peaceful protesting a felony. Pipeline construction is resuming on sacred burial grounds while treaties continue to be broken.

From Standing Rock to the Women’s March on Washington I’ve seen a lot of anger in the last three months. A lot of tension and misunderstandings. But I’ve also seen a lot of love. And unity of purpose. Most Americans want other Americans to do well. To pursue happiness. To have clean water, protect and care for their dead. To have sovereignty over their own bodies. Civil liberties and equal opportunities. Basic human rights and respect. To keep their jobs in fields and factories. And to keep the government out of their business.

In the past few months I’ve seen women praying on the Backwater Bridge in front of armed guards and tanks. I’ve seen hundreds of thousands of concerned Americans flood the streets of our Capitol and I am confident that we will make America great again. Not Trump. As long as we don’t let him, or anyone else, divide us. As long as we stay positive and keep the faith.

And so I’m telling the greedy and the hateful and the intolerant to loosen their death grips on the weak, the underprivileged, and the poor. To uncoil. And recoil. To finally relax the tight fists of their hearts. I am telling us all to stop yelling over each other. To come together. And to listen.

Arnegard is a citizen of Taos.