Non-Violence Works: We are here for you through holiday challenges

The myths and memories of holidays! While images of love and joy fill storefronts, newspapers, websites and TV screens, many of us can find ourselves dealing with sad thoughts. As annual reminders of losses and disappointments and grief — the holidays can readily trigger depression.

Human memory is actually a flawed, self-protective process. Research clearly shows that most people tend to recall the happy times in their lives and let the sorrows go. But the holidays can trigger vivid memories around the familiar — the dinners, gift giving, demands to visit, connections with far-flung friends and relatives and the expectations to entertain. When confronting these realities, many of us feel overwhelmed or depressed.

NonviolenceWorks (NVW) has a staff of experienced clinicians who are familiar with the challenges of holiday stressors. We are here to respond to your needs for talking through your situation and making plans that are supportive of your choices.

One of the hardest stressors around the holidays is the loss of members from the family circle. It may be the memories of parents no longer living, or more recent losses of friends and family members due to death, divorce, separation or conflict. The childhood myth of a perfect holiday is not real, so we have to take steps to deal.

The first step is to admit to those feelings of stress and external obligations. There may need to be time to cry and express your feelings — light a candle, say a prayer or a special poem — or visit a favorite place that gives you comfort.

For people who are feeling very isolated — comparing their own internal situation with the unrealistic outward observations of others can be very distressing. All families have flaws, but they aren’t necessarily obvious to others. Reaching out to friends or a mental health professional can help you find realistic balance again.

Be realistic about what you really want to celebrate. This is a time that your religious and spiritual faith can provide rituals, music and community that support you. Choose the most important events to attend, or design your own with close friends and family.

For children and youth who are living in foster care, the holidays are a very tough reminder of their history and their separation or perceived rejection by their biological family. There is often a need to write or draw some of those real feelings and talk with therapists, teachers and foster parents — to say that life and family aren’t perfect but there are caring people who can help them through.

Crucially important to move through the holidays with balance is to take care of yourself and be physically active — however that works for you. Walk, hike, work out, do yoga, meditate and park the car a good ways from some place where you have an errand. Likewise, eating healthy home-cooked meals, maintaining good sleeping practices and limiting alcohol and tobacco also help with balance. Many people find that volunteering is a way to gather your own resources and show that you have much to share and look forward to.

Perhaps one of the most promising things to remember is that the holidays will be over and the New Year will soon arrive with a chance to start new practices and self-care. Whatever your choices, NVW clinicians are here for you!

NVW has the largest staff of credentialed and certified mental health professionals in Northern New Mexico. Reach out to us at (575) 758-4297 or through nonviolenceworks.us to discus support that you need.

Gray is the board chair of NVW and can be reached at (575) 779-3126 or mcphailconsulting@gmail.com.